Mum’s struggles meant I spent time in care, and those years left their own imprint on me. When I moved here, my sister was one of the first people I stayed connected with — long phone calls, one Skype session, and this quiet wish inside me to be like her: a council house, kids, a simple steady life.
My brother is a tangle of memories. The swords on the wall in their second house. Him taking me to the local club. Fishing trips where I’d put the maggots on the hooks. He’d tickle me until I cried, and he’d throw Scruffy around the garden in a way that hurt my feelings. But I loved him, even when he didn’t realise how deeply things landed with me.
My Brother’s wife was part of my life too. I disappointed her once, after Nan’s funeral, when I went to my sisters. Mum didn’t recognise either of us from behind — a strange, sad little moment that stayed with me.
I have warm memories of my nephew, especially Christmas at their first home. And my nieces — I loved playing with them when they were little. Finding my family on Facebook later in life felt like a miracle. My sister and her family visiting Knowle was one of those full‑circle moments.
My husband came into my life through his brother‑in‑law. We lived together in Ilfracombe and then Combe Martin. We divorced when I was 22. He remarried in Manchester. He did ask me once if I wanted to be with him, but I was angry then. Later, I went up to Manchester and found his mum’s house — she liked me. I tried to get back with him for Shaun’s sake, but he refused.
My husbands sister converted me to the Jehovah’s Witnesses. I believed it wholeheartedly at the time, even though I sometimes felt embarrassed knocking on doors. Life in Combe Martin was lovely, though. When I told Mum about the Witnesses, she lost her temper and said my dad hated them knocking. That stuck with me.
Shaun was my first baby, and I loved him so much. After leaving Barnstaple Hospital, I stayed at Mum’s house in Knowle. I had postnatal depression. I remember my friend visiting, and realising it was the first moment I hadn’t been thinking about Shaun — I thought about him constantly.
We kept in touch after I moved here. I wrote to him every year on his birthday on Facebook. Now I can’t reach him; he doesn’t use his old profile. I’ve sent messages, but I don’t think he’s seen them. There was a time he wanted to move here, but it was too expensive and he didn’t have enough points for residency. I still feel guilty for giving him up.
Peter was my first love. He broke my heart the first time, and I dropped out of art college in Barnstaple. The second time, I was living in a little village near Braunton. It felt homely, but he thought I wasn’t giving him enough attention. I never meant to hurt him. I loved him.
My next boyfriend in MK had long hair and pulled me into the partying scene in Milton Keynes. I loved him too. I’d love to catch up with him again someday. I remember once hearing my dad speak to me when I was with him — I must have been in a bad way. I turned around and dropped a tray of tea and coffee I’d made for my friends.
Another friend taught me energy healing. In her first group, I saw the love between her and a friend’s heart chakra. Those groups taught me so much about healing. I wanted to be a healer once, but I haven’t done it in so long.
My friends in Milton Keynes meant the world to me. I didn’t realise how lonely I’d feel moving here. People are different, and it’s harder to make friends in a new country, especially being older than my partner. I missed them all terribly.
I met my son’s father on the day of a Bon Jovi concert at Milton Keynes Bowl. I met his brother too. When we moved here, I had no intention of going back. My visa was a six‑month visiting visa because of the UK–NZ tie. We set up home in Mount Albert. I was pregnant with Jake. My fiance loved that flat. We slept on a second‑hand mattress on the floor. I was heavily pregnant and could barely stand; my back was agony.
Before we moved, I had a dream that my partner had leukemia. I should have told him. He must have already had it in the UK. He applied for a medical trial but was turned down. I still wonder if they saw something in his bloods and didn’t tell him.
Debby was my first real friend in New Zealand. She lived two doors down. I loved her and was so grateful for her friendship. The last time I saw her, I asked for her ex‑partner’s brother’s number. She warned me he was unreliable. She was right. I still have the rose quartz pendulum she gave me — it must be twenty years old now. I heard she’s doing well. I hope she’s happy.
My son’s Nan has had so much grief. Letting go of her children as they grew must have been so hard. I feel that with Jake — I love him so much. I never meant to break his heart. I fought for him in court and won. My son’s father was unreasonable; I only asked for one overnight visit a week, and he said no for a year. I got a lawyer and won. I left out some things that would have hurt my son’s family’s feelings. I never wanted to do hurt them.