When I was in Poutama, I was being taken to AA meetings. Even getting down the slope at Poutama was a challenge — my vertigo made it almost impossible. Looking back, I should have been taken to the doctor, but at the time I just tried to push through.
Despite those struggles, there’s something I’m proud of today: I’ve been sober for one year and seven days. It’s the longest I’ve ever been sober, and it feels like a milestone I’ve fought hard to reach.
It wasn’t my first attempt at sobriety. Years ago, when I lived in Milton Keynes, I managed six months without drinking. But during that time, I was in a dark place and ended up taking an overdose of paracetamol and whisky.
The next day I went to a friend’s house, and the doctor thought I had jaundice. I ended up in a coma. I remember seeing my brother and his wife holding Shaun’s hands in the emergency room, though they weren’t allowed to come in. That memory still weighs heavily on me — one of my deepest regrets.
Back then, I was overwhelmed by mixed emotions. I felt unlovable, unwanted, and completely lost. I’d fallen for someone else, and when he rejected me, it hurt — but strangely, it also brought a sense of release. It was a moment that shifted something inside me, even if I didn’t understand it at the time. Looking back I had bipolar but didn’t know it. I remember taking an SSRI and it made me high. The Dr gave me a strange look.
My journey with sobriety hasn’t been straightforward. It’s been messy, painful, and full of lessons I didn’t ask for. But today, I’m here. I’m sober. And I’m still moving forward, one day at a time.
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